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Ask Dr. Evers
The Affirmation Doctor
By Dr. Anne Marie Evers

August 2008

Dear Dr. Evers,

My Aunt Betty just called and shared some wonderful news with me. She had been affirming for a life partner and she found him! They are living in Germany and they just got married. She emailed me some pictures. When looking at her beautiful wedding pictures a lump welled up in my throat and I was shocked to discover I was experiencing a negative feeling of envy, thinking thoughts to myself like, “Why not me? What is wrong with me? Why haven’t I met my special person,” etc.?

I have been doing a form of Affirmations but not in the way you teach—sort of a ‘hit and miss’ way. I’ve been reading your column in the Violet Ray Magazine about Affirmations and now I have decided to start trying to do your method of Affirmations, half wondering if they will work. Is this displaying negativity on my part?

I am not really sure if I am ready to have that relationship. I know I need to forgive but I am experiencing a rash of hurt feelings, anger and jealousy about my 25-year marriage break-up. It is a double whammy for me as my ex-husband Herb is now with my 'so-called' good friend Debby. So in effect I lost two people who were very close to me.

Do I need to clear that negative energy around and in my heart before starting to do Affirmations? Do you have any magic formula for this? I am in desperate need of help. Thank you in advance.

- Susan, Home Business Operator, Calgary, AB -

Dear Susan:

Thank you, thank you, and thank you for your email. And yes I do agree this is a very big trust issue for you. However your keeping that hurt, anger and disappointment inside you is certainly not affecting your ex-husband or ex-friend. It is only adversely affecting you and keeping you from living your life in a happy and fulfilled way.

The past is the past and lets leave it there. You can go back for a visit but do not take up lifetime residency. Learn from any lessons and then go on. It sounds like Herb has already moved on.

I suggest that you really go within and decide if you are ready and you really want another intimate relationship at this point. Also when doing the Affirmation Process we never just ‘try’ we do it. It is very important to have and maintain a positive mental attitude when doing your Affirmations. I really don’t have any magic formulas, but I do have what I call a Magic Forgiveness Cup Emptying Exercise for forgiving.

This Forgiveness Exercise must be done for a minimum of 21 days (as it takes 21 days to make a habit). You can do this exercise both in the morning and evening. Do whatever you feel in your heart is right for you.

Mark off the 21 days on the calendar. If you miss a day, it is best to start the process all over again.

Cup-Release Method (Forgiveness)
One reason this exercise works so well is that water represents emotion.

For optimum results, perform this exercise every morning and evening. If possible, get a cup or mug that belonged Herb. If you don’t have one, print his name on masking tape and stick it on the cup. Sit with the cup in your hands and visualize all negative feelings surrounding him and your broken marriage dripping into the water from your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. Make sure that you FEEL your emotions when doing this exercise. When you feel the exercise is complete, take the cup to the sink and pour out that water, saying the following Affirmation.

“Herb, I now pour out all my negative feelings, emotions, disappointments, anger, frustration and hurts concerning you, your betrayal and our marriage break-up out of my heart, life, and being. I pour them out with love*. I release you completely and freely and let you go. You are free. I am free. I now release and dissolve any and all negative feelings that I have for you. I release any anger, disappointment, resentment, jealousy, guilt, or hate. As I pour this water down the drain, with my negative feelings in it, I know I can never get it back. It has gone with the water down the drain. I now successfully live my life without you. I NOW have and enjoy a healed heart and I am at peace, to the good of all parties concerned. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

* If you cannot honestly feel love, then feel the Divine Love of God.

When the cup or mug is empty, just say, "Healed heart and life."

Susan, I would suggest that you do the above exercise first with Herb for 21 days and AFTER you have finished it and you feel that it is complete, do this exercise for releasing Debby.

Forgiveness Exercise for Debby

“Debby, I now pour out my negative feelings, emotions, disappointments, anger, frustration, feelings of betrayal and hurts concerning you, our friendship and break-up of my marriage out of my heart, life, and being. I pour them out with love*. I now release and dissolve any and all negative feelings I have for you. I release any anger, disappointment, resentment, jealousy, or hate. As I pour this water down the drain, with my negative feelings in it, I know I can never get it back. This negativity has gone with the water down the drain. I am NOW happy and peaceful to the good of all parties concerned. Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

One Reader's Experience

One reader, Rhonda, described her experience with this exercise.

“I was so angry at my ex-husband Eddy for leaving me for a woman half his age and a huge debt load, which he does not acknowledge. I filled a cup with his name printed on it with fresh water every morning and tipped it out for 21 days. I said, “I let go of my emotional bond to you and any and all negative feelings,” as I poured it down the sink.

The first day, I got butterflies in my stomach and did not want to continue doing the exercise, but I persisted. By the end of the 21-day period, it worked! I saw him in a different light. Gone were the rose-coloured spectacles and that deep, penetrating hurt.

Since I performed this exercise, my energy has completely changed. Now I feel alive, attractive and full of life. It is great! Thank you so much. Your Affirmations book came into my life for a purpose. Finally, I just wanted to add that I was really scared of letting go. I really did feel Eddy was the one and only love of my life. In one short month, I have found out I was wrong. There are so many exciting and interesting people and opportunities out there that I was missing because of my unhealthy obsession with him. Once again, many thanks. I am now working on an Affirmation for a loving, lasting, faithful relationship with the perfect man for me.

- Love Rhonda, Teacher, Vancouver, B C. -

Forgiveness - An Everyday Challenge for Some People

Forgiveness is putting your thoughts in line with the Laws of the Universe. I speak to many people whose faces show resentment, anger, and bitterness. I know there is a forgiveness problem. Why is it so difficult to forgive? Nature does not have a problem forgiving. The human body is busy all the time, forgiving and healing.

When you cut your finger, it does not stop and say, “No, I am not ready to forgive you; you have been a bad person.” Your body immediately begins to repair and heal itself. The doctor sets your leg when it is broken, but it is God or nature that heals it. When you hold a grudge and do not forgive others and yourself, you are working against the Laws of Nature. When you do not blame, condemn, or judge your self, others, and circumstances, there is nothing to forgive.

Forgiving is permanent. When you truly and completely forgive an injustice, you never have to do it again.

Forgiveness is very powerful. When you forgive, your energy changes the physical structure of your cells and DNA. When you are embroiled in guilt, shame, or depression, you close down the energy systems of your body. All types of negative problems can erupt.

Forgiveness is a process of untangling mental and emotional parts of your being. If you have become tangled up in the negative energy of another person or situation, now may be the time for you to forgive.

Forgiveness also reduces stress, lowers blood pressure, increases well-being, and promotes good health. It can also reduce the risk of cancer and other diseases. Forgiveness is private. It is not necessary or advisable to tell people that you are forgiving them. Forgiveness is not ego, although some people say forgiveness is selfish because it largely benefits the person doing the forgiving.

Releasing Negative Emotions

We have all experienced being hurt by another person. When angry hurt is not expressed, it leaves pain inside, which invokes negative energy. When you are full of negative energy, hurt, and bitterness, you can experience emotional and physical pain. You can always search for and find something to feel hurt about. Some innocent, harmless remark or gesture can become a source of deep pain.

When you feel hurt about the actions of another person or a certain situation, you form an emotional attachment to them. Go within and find the original source of the hurt, own it, then release it into the Universe. Ask that it be recycled into divine love.

Forgiveness is a choice—as is not forgiving. When you do not forgive another person, you remain energetically connected or tied to them. When you forgive others, you break those ties and allow them to move on with their lives — and you to move on with yours.

What will be Y O U R Choice?

Reverend Dr. Anne Marie Evers is an ordained Minister and Doctor of Divinity and Philosophy. She is also a best-selling author of many books on positive thinking, some of which are, Affirmations Your Passport to Happiness 7th edition.

She co-authored the best-selling series Wake Up and Live the Life you Love in Spirit with Dr. Deepak Chopra and Dr. Wayne Dyer. Please check out her website www.annemarieevers.com or Send your questions to askdrevers@thevioletray.ca

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