June 2008 - Featured Articles

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The Violet Journey - Short Story Writing for Daniel
- Absence of the Heart
By J.C. Page

I need to feel for others because their pain begins to compel me to help and mend them."

-J.C. Page-

I wandered through my days giving as much as I possibly could. This was I. This was who I was and who I had always wanted to be, heart and soul. I was determined to be the best at who I was. Evidently, this world does not share the same exhilaration, as I often found myself struggling with those that did not really care.

Unbeknownst to me, there was something going wrong inside of me. At my young age, I was unaware that I was waiting to die. As simple as this may sound, I was not even slightly ready. Only reaching the age of forty, I had not begun accomplishing all that I needed to accomplish. Right in the middle of what people refer to as their 'prime', I was supposed to finish my life.

I was taken after midnight in April. It was a freezing night and I was thankful there were people to attend to me. "For the preceding week, I was feeling empty inside and not feeling normal. I felt that something was going to occur to change my life. That day, many people came to see me and were either grasping my hand or giving me a hug." What I didn't know was how it really came to be, but what I do know is that I was able to live to tell you the events.

The tightening of my chest started and I could not breathe while the room began to fade. Next, "my throat choked up and tears spread gently down my face. As the pain became too much and I could not breathe and I knew I was in trouble….but how much? Could I not possibly conquer this as I am used to doing?" The lights around me seemed to be transparent and my eyes could not stay open. I was not in fear, but a feeling of peace began and continued. What I will always remember is the sound of me flat lining. That was death, my death.

As I arrived, "I saw a bright and beautiful valley, full of passion fruit and grapes and the wind was so calm with a warm, misty air cooling my body down." I had no idea or thoughts. I could not anticipate anyone seeing me nor me them. I felt without pain, doubt and fear. I was not concerned that I may have just died or that I was without anything or anyone but myself. I was alone but I did not feel alone. I was alive in the feeling of peace and love and I was just me.

I don't know how long I was there but what I do know is that I didn't want to leave. I didn't want to come back. As simple as that sounds, I had no reason to go back to the old me. All I remember, or not remember without thought, was that I was free. I was free to not feel anything negative or grief for me or anyone else that was feeling pain or loss from my absence. In addition, no longer did I hate, feel jealousy or need anything of materialistic means.

"My dad I remember so vividly with his smile and his strong hold embracing me. I realized I was in paradise or, as I say, 'my visit'." During my 'visit', I also saw my uncle, school friend and other family and friends. We sat for a while, as I was unable to recollect the time, and we enjoyed a luncheon or dinner made in my honour.

The atmosphere was one that I can only explain from pictures and tourist attractions here. The trees and flowers were as elegant as a new birth. The colors as vibrant as no artist's brush here. The tables were white with purity and cleanliness. But what was the most evident was that I was with love and acceptance, something I have never truly felt before.

No one had a discomforting word or odd glare. These were friends and family of mine that wanted to be there 'just for me'. They were there to celebrate my joining them. How simple, but more obvious was that I was not rejected. I was able to sit, talk, and feel as one with myself because I was without criticism, conflict or hate.

I remember a familiar face greeting me and this is where I had to choose. She held her hand out to me and somehow I knew that she was a High Priestess there to guide me back. I was, at first, reluctant but then I reached out and clutched her hand and knew I did not want to let go. I knew then that I had something to do, something that no one else could accomplish but me. I had a new journey, and a new destiny, but what is more, a new life. This was all waiting for me.

I returned to a hospital team of eight working around the clock to mend me. The doctors have placed me on the list of 'miracles'. There is no damage in my heart. The valves and surrounding tissue are without damage and there is no scarring. The medical professionals do not know what to make of me. But I do. I know that I have a new purpose, a new reason to be here and, with my heart, I am now able to accomplish it.

Daniel would like people to know that anyone can choose to make a difference.

J.C. Page is a Researcher, Writer, Counselor and a forever student of Ayurvedic Medicine. Share your input regarding this article by emailing The Violet Ray at info@thevioletray.ca.