Where is the Joy? -
By Juey Ann MacLeod -
The Sexual and Relationship Expert
www.joyfulloving.com

May, June, July 2010

Dear Juey Ann,

I am middle aged and have been out of the dating scene for many years. I just do not know how to go about it and I’m scared.

I was once in that place in my life and it is scary. I bought into the negative because I knew of no other way. I had thoughts like “my body is not firm and has extra pounds”; “there are more single women over 40, etc! What I know now is that men are just as scared. Both sexes focus on the negative and rejection is taken so personal.

Instead of taking it personally, make dating an exercise of fun! The more positive you are the more you bring the “real you” to the scene. By this I mean –you are not just your body!!! Your age is a gift. Your experiences have expanded you. You now have depth and strength of character that you did not posses when you were 20. We hear about the “newsworthy” liaisons between men of 50 and women of 20 but the men I speak to want meet someone they can have a long conversation with.

The other fun factor is your intention. When you are out searching for “the one” the energy that surrounds you can be needy. You know how unattractive needy can be! Lighten up and focus on what you have to offer a partner. Law of attraction states when your vibration has reached the vibration of what you are seeking, it will come to you with ease. So lighten up make the lists of: who you are, the beauty that you are inside and what you want in a partner. Feel what it would be like to have that partner in your life now - making sure you do not go into the feelings that they are not there now! Keep it positive! Then turn it over to the higher power. Next, totally focus on how you can raise your vibration by becoming more of the beauty you are inside. It an amazing energizing journey and joyful task!

I have been with the same guy for 7.5 years and since he has been out of work the verbal abuse is getting worse. Is there anything I can do to make him stop?

After so many years of abuse, I imagine yourself confidence has taken a severe blow. You may accepted verbal abuse as a child even though it always felt unpleasant.

The truth is no one needs to put up with it. The way he speaks to you is unacceptable – so tell him and then walk away! It takes courage but it will get easier each time. When you think this way, you give him the responsibility for his speech. It is his responsibility to make himself happy, not yours. After you tell him it is not acceptable then do not engage in any type of conversation. It is like not batting the ping-pong ball back - then the game is over.

Unfortunately, we can never change someone else – they have to want to change. I understand that he is probably angry with himself for not having a job. Instead of doing something about it he is turning his anger toward you instead of using it to fuel a change in his life. Yes, it is very difficult for a man to lose a job. He can become stronger by overcoming what happened. Then he will feel even better about himself than he did before he lost his job. Are you being a co-dependent and supporting him? Maybe it is time to let him know that it has been long enough and you are not willing to support him any longer. Make a list of what you want and expect in a partner, then turn them over to a higher power than you. Once you become clear, he will feel it at some level. Miracles do happen!

Now, take the energy you have been using to verbally defend yourself and apply it to ways that will help you raise your self confidence. Some of them could be: reading about the Law of Attraction; learn about co-dependence and how to avoid it; investigate patterns from your childhood and learn to respond as an adult; take classes to discover your inner beauty. Each step of growth will be one step closer to getting what you say you want and JOY!

Juey Ann MacLeod is a Life Coach assisting individuals and couples to resolve Sexual and Relationship Issues, Sexual Abuse Patterns and facilitates Personal Growth Steps. JOY Inc. was created 10 years ago along with the first Art of Joy-ful Loving Workshop. The continually increasing variety of JOY Workshops has assisted many people to empower themselves and enhance their relationships. For more information visit Juey Anns practitioner profile or call
888-358-8789. Juey Ann will provide answers to the questions you always wanted to ask about sexual and relationship issues.

Click Here to direct your questions to Juey Ann and please type "Question for Juey Ann" in your email message. Alternately you can contact her through her website www.joyfulloving.com. Our columnists may not be able to reply to all your questions, but will try their best to provide guidance to as many as possible.

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