Where is the Joy? -
By Juey Ann MacLeod -
The Sexual and Relationship Expert
www.joyfulloving.com

August 2009

Dear Juey Ann,

All of our married life, I have experienced premature ejaculation. Can you help me?

Thank you for your question. This condition is one that troubles many men and our society’s awareness and education on sexuality is so limited that some consider premature ejaculation a non treatable condition. In my experience, it is very treatable.

Although it may be difficult, I would like you to understand how fortunate you are to be so sensitive and in touch with your body. Some men are so blocked and disconnected from their bodies that it can become the cause of erectile dysfunction.

The keys to success in improving your experience may be as simple as energy awareness and breathing combined with self pleasuring. One source of this technique from the Toists perspective is “Multi Orgasmic Man” by Manteck Chia, another view is Barbara Keeslings book “How to Make Love All Night”. These texts provide more detailed information than this space allows.

Another option is to find a workshop or relationship coach that will instruct you and your wife in the art of touch and intimacy so you may develop your own techniques for a more comfortable and pleasurable experience. For someone who is already so in touch with their body and willing to learn and practice some new skills, premature ejaculation can become something from your past, and result in a greater loving and more connected relationship for you and your wife.

Dear Juey Ann,

I am 17 and the physical attraction with my boyfriend is very strong. I want to make love to him but my church wants me to wait. I do not know what to do.

What a brave question! It is very difficult to see the freedom that some young people have to respond to their body urges and at the same time to hold yourself back because of your beliefs. I honor your restraint, please keep it up.

The most beneficial thing for you to do is to learn to self pleasure. By learning to self pleasure, you become aware of your bodies desires and needs which will lead you into marriage with a much broader base of awareness. Later, when you give yourself permission to communicate this depth of awareness, it will lead to a very satisfying union with your husband.

The other benefit of self pleasuring is that it allows you to honor what your whole body feels and to release the tension of sexual arousal. Without the build-up of arousal pressure, your ability to handle the closeness with your boyfriend will vastly improve. If you feel a certain pressure from him to be sexually intimate, share this column with him and ask him if he would like to use this as his solution too.

For books on the subject check out the author Betty Dobson. She is one of the first and foremost leaders in the field of women’s self pleasuring. When her book, “Sex for One”, was published in 1987 the subject was still very taboo. Her work is based on the strong belief that women have been suppressed and they need to take back their own personal power by learning to appreciate and honor their bodies.

So, honor and respect yourself and your beliefs while recognizing and honoring the passage into womanhood. Be well and be gentle with yourself.

Juey Ann MacLeod is a Life Coach assisting individuals and couples to resolve Sexual and Relationship Issues, Sexual Abuse Patterns and facilitates Personal Growth Steps. JOY Inc. was created 10 years ago along with the first Art of Joy-ful Loving Workshop. The continually increasing variety of JOY Workshops has assisted many people to empower themselves and enhance their relationships. For more information visit Juey Anns practitioner profile or call
888-358-8789. Juey Ann will provide answers to the questions you always wanted to ask about sexual and relationship issues. Please direct your questions to jueyann@thevioletray.ca

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