Where is the Joy? -
By Juey Ann MacLeod -
The Sexual and Relationship Expert
www.joyfulloving.com

November 2009

Dear Juey Ann,

My husband seems to believe that I can just go into to the bedroom and get turned on by shutting the door. How can get him to understand this just not possible?
~ Asked By K. ~

The majority of men have not had any sexual intimacy training. Men have a different physical response to touch or closeness. Often women do not tell them, what it is they need because they also have not had sexual intimacy training. Without the information, men have no reason to believe that everyone is not like them.

Women tend to need heart or emotional connection and time to get into the intimacy space especially if their partner has not given to the relationship during the day. The truth is foreplay is not just kissing, stroking the body and touching the genitals. Romancing and foreplay takes place all day long. A woman’s version of foreplay is when she is listened to, touched in passing, flirted with, talked to, admired, appreciated, given undivided attention or helped in tasks.

To assist his understanding of you and your wishes, a greater level of communication is necessary. Intimacy means “in-to-me-see” so you also have to be willing to express your desires. If you feel you have already done this and he is not listening, double check that you have truly expressed your feelings in the moment. Remember men are geared to “win”, they love direction that is given in a loving way and they truly want to see you receive pleasure. If you have tried all of the above, then introduce him to books such as McKenzie Jordan’s, Beloveds in Bed or the Mantak Chia’s, Multi Orgasmic Couple or take him to a couples intimacy class.

Patience and persistence with your communication joined with increased knowledge will create the sexual intimacy you desire.

Dear Juey Ann,

My husband works in the oil industry and it has been slow for him this year. We have more time together but I feel we are farther apart. I want the closeness back. Do you have any suggestions? ~ Asked By S. ~

Many of us fall into focusing on the negativity of our lives when there is a change in the economy. All negativity whether it is worrying or withdrawal or . . ., draws our energy field very close to our bodies like a wall around us. Thoughts are the cause of this wall to closeness.

When viewed from this prospective it is easy to look back and answer the question – “what have we been thinking about?” Do not beat up on yourself; use it as a push forward and an example of what you do not want. Then you can see what to change to get what you desire – “closeness”!

Closeness requires opening of hearts, opening of the minds to possibilities. Ask your husband to help you remember what were the “great hi-lights” in past events of your relationship? Support each other to feel what if felt like then. You will sense the light-ness, the opening of your heart and energy field. The secret is to recreate those feelings, not the events? Use creativity and imagination to brainstorm ideas that will give you what you want to feel . For example: Maybe in the past you went away on romantic weekends. Look at the elements or basic parts of this experience that lead to creating the hi-light. Maybe “one of them” might be, feel free from responsibilities. Going away might not be affordable now but what could be? Borrow someone’s RV and have your pets +/or children looked after. Or clear your schedule, create a message on your telephone stating you are going to be returning calls in 2 days for emergencies call. . . and set a tent out in the backyard. Or trade houses with your siblings/friends and be in a different location while they look after your kids. Trade with them for the same “treat” and you look after their children in their house. These are just ideas to give your creativity a jump start. You will come up with better ideas!

When you redirect your focus on what you do want your energy changes, opening not only to each other but to the Universe. This could even attract more work or money to you. If you are not familiar with how this works, just think of your own experience. Are you attracted to someone who is depressed/sad/negative/withdrawn or someone who is happy / joyful / smiling / positive? The Law of Attraction (a Universal Law) applies or creates all situations big and small. Have fun!

Juey Ann MacLeod is a Life Coach assisting individuals and couples to resolve Sexual and Relationship Issues, Sexual Abuse Patterns and facilitates Personal Growth Steps. JOY Inc. was created 10 years ago along with the first Art of Joy-ful Loving Workshop. The continually increasing variety of JOY Workshops has assisted many people to empower themselves and enhance their relationships. For more information visit Juey Anns practitioner profile or call
888-358-8789. Juey Ann will provide answers to the questions you always wanted to ask about sexual and relationship issues.

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